Erised is Just Desire Spelled Backwards
by IzziMeyers
Summary: Ron has a moment of realization during THBP.


"Eyes closed Won-Won! It's a surprise!" At one in the morning on a warm but rainy Saturday, Ronald Weasley awoke to find Lavender Brown poking him in the cheek. After slapping her hand away and pretending that he didn't mean it ("I'm so sorry, Lavender! I was still asleep! It doesn't hurt, does it?"), he was told to follow her. She said she found something while sleepwalking, something cool. They walked for a good forty minutes, often turning around when she realized she'd gotten lost, before they came to a nondescript door to an unused classroom. After being told to close his eyes, he was pushed inside by his overly-excited girlfriend. "Okay, open them!"

The look of surprise on Ron's face that followed was entirely fake, because Ron had already seen this surprise once before; the mirror of Erised was propped up in the left corner of the room.

"Isn't it wonderful, Won-Won? It's so pretty! And guess what else? I think it tells the future!" Lavender strolled happily over to the giant mirror and stood in front of it. "I see myself, only I'm older, and I've opened my own beauty potion shop! Ooooh, and I'm gorgeous too! I think I'm getting ready for my wedding! Look! There you are! You look so handsome in those dress robes! Come here, Won-Won, try it out!"

Lavender stepped away so that Ron could see the mirror. He expected to see something similar to the last time he looked in this mirror; quidditch captain, head boy, et cetera. Preparing himself to be bombarded with all the things he could never have, he was shocked to find only one of them staring back at him, and she was beautiful.

Hermione Granger was in the reflection, sitting on the floor in front of the mirror and reading a book. When Ron stepped in to view, she looked up and smiled at him.

'This is my deepest desire?' thought Ron. 'Why would I desire Hermione above everything else, we're already friends.' But Ron realized how wrong he was before he even finished the thought, because the look Hermione was giving him was not one of friendship. Her look was full of compassion to an extent that he had never seen her give him before, at least not in reality. Hadn't she given him that same look several times before in his dreams, though? And her smile was bigger than he'd ever seen when she was with Krum, or even Harry. Her face lit up, making her look gorgeous, a word Ron had never consciously used to describe her.

This moment seemed to last forever in Ron's head; it was the moment that he realized, finally, how much he truly loved Hermione Granger. A litany of all the things he never knew he loved about her played through his head. That exasperated look she always gave him, the way she corrected his essays and pretended to be cross with him, the way she said 'Oh honestly, Ronald,' how she always knew a charm for anything he might need, how she always knew _everything,_ even though he pretended to be annoyed by it, how she always came to his games and listened patiently as he talked about them in the hours that followed, and how she was always there for him, no matter what.

Except for right now, because he had chosen Lavender over her. He tried to convince himself that Hermione had nothing to do with his decision to date Lavender, but deep down he knew that was a lie. He was with Lavender to make Hermione jealous, to get back at her for kissing Krum, and, even though he'd denied it for so long, to make her want him the way he wanted her. Somewhere along the line, he realized this plan wasn't working as well as he hoped, but he found himself in too deep to find his way back out. Now Hermione wasn't speaking with him, and Lavender thought they were going to be married.

As he gazed into those eyes, the ones that were looking back so warmly at him, he decided that it was time to do something. He'd been denying his feelings for almost three years now; though not deeply enough to protect himself from the sting he felt whenever Hermione overlooked him. It was time to go after what he wanted, to go after her.

Just as he was steeling himself for what needed to be done, Hermione disappeared. Lavender had walked into the mirror's path, leaving only a reflection.

"What do you see, Won-Won? Do you see me? You've never looked at me that way before," Lavender said with a curious look on her face.

"Uh, yeah," Ron said, closing his eyes and trying to imprint the look Hermione gave him into his memory, "Yeah, something like that."


End file.
